What inspires me and where will we go?

Me and my inspiration, I mean. Where will we go?

I want to write. I mean, I do write. But until now I've been fairly private. Sometimes professors get to see it. Sometimes friends. Mostly not. Mostly I write in my journal. But I've dreamed for quite awhile about publishing something. I don't know what. And I don't know when. But it will happen. A book.

I've had lots of inspiration. I got a card recently from a friend that said, "I am reading an interesting book called I am a Pencil about a writer who taught grade school kids in Queens about poetry and story writing. One of the kids wrote:
I am a pencil
ready to write
my life
It made me think of you - get on writing."

So then I bought The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life, by Julia Cameron. And it's on my dining room table. Until I get a chance.

And there's another poem I like, which I seem to have lost. I thought it was by Richard Brautigan, but maybe not. It says something like "I can be alone" or "I know how to be alone." And then there's something at the end like, "By tea light, I write." Jess? Do you know what I'm talking about? Anyone? It's funny calling that poem my inspiration when I can't even find it and don't know who wrote it -but it has inspired me nonetheless.

I worry that writing this blog will detract from writing in my journal. Not on purpose, but that over time I'll just journal less. I hope not. I try not to worry. In general, and about this specifically.

There has been this incredibly beautiful SPRING weather in Olympia lately. I love it. I love sitting in class with the windows open and a warm breeze blowing through. I love the flowers popping up. I love the trees near my house that are yet a bit more blossomy every time I drive past, even if it's only been an hour or two. But what really struck me today was the low coffee shop attendance. At first I couldn't even make sense of it. About 20 vacant seats, prime seats, right smack dab in the middle of a perfectly good caffeine consuming day. Then I realized. They must all be out in the sun. For a walk during lunch break. Or at an outdoor cafe. Good for them.

But I wanted to talk about growth. This morning I woke up when a friend called at 6:35. I reluctantly started my day in my head. A few minutes into the conversation I realized - IT'S THURSDAY! First of all, Thursdays have been my favorite day for at least nine years. Second of all, Thursdays are my day off. I realized it was Thursday, and my mood lifted a bit, around 6:38 this AM. So I made my tea, washed my dishes, slipped on a do-rag, and sat down at my desk. That's when I saw it. I'd mostly given up on this plant. As far as I could tell it was content as is. Felt no need to change or improve itself. Stagnant, even stuck. That's what I thought until this morning. When I saw the new growth. Two light green, tender, fragile new sprouts. I was so excited. I wanted to kiss it - good for you, I should have known you were just waiting for the right time.

Does my desk plant know the growing season is beginning? I wonder that. I've been wondering for awhile about my Christmas Cactus. Somewhere in its little plant being it knows when Christmas time is near and celebrates with abundant pink blossoms. Even though I keep it in the bathroom. With no natural light. And climate control year round. It still knows.

This unexpected plant growth reminded me that humans are the same. We can look totally the same on the outside. We can not even notice that we're taking in sun and water, preparing to produce something amazing. And that's usually how it comes. One day, early one morning, with pajamas still on and tea yet too hot to drink - we see it. Something is totally new and already tentatively taking in water and sun of its own.