Small Town Living
Mostly I love living in this small town. Mostly I love the fact that I’ve lived here for most of my life. I love seeing people I recognize everywhere I go. Even if I don’t know them. Even if I don’t know their names. If they’re constant enough fixtures in my life I often make up names for them. Like April, the mean barista at my favorite coffeeshop. I love the downtown regulars. These people who are just downtown. Doing their thing. Eating. Drinking coffee. Walking. Maybe with a backpack. Just being downtown. Day after day. I love this. I love that today I ordered my Americano and the barista said, “I’m sorry, I forgot your name. I haven’t worked in awhile… it’s good to see you again.” I love seeing friends and acquaintances and their friends and acquaintances and their sisters and sons and dogs. I love seeing people who have known me since I was a baby. I love seeing people I’ve known since they were babies. I love this. Mostly.
Sometimes I run into people I know who annoy me. This happened today. This woman I know who always asks personal questions loudly in public places. This happened today. Or the guy who says, “God bless you. Have a good day in the Lord,” in a not-good-hearted kind of way to everyone he sees. These things annoy me, but I don’t mind much.
Every now and then, however, the smallness of this town really hits me. Every now and then I run into someone I’d rather not see. Ever. Never ever. Never again in my life. Say, someone I dated a few times and then something happened which was awkward and kind of embarrassing but also a relief because it was a reason for the “relationship” to end. Today I ran into one of those. In a tiny little restaurant. So small that eye contact is unavoidable. Or is avoidable, but only at the price of being painfully obvious and prohibiting a much needed trip to the bathroom or a necessary trip to the cash register. Which I opted for. It’s times like that when I start to wish I was in a bigger town.
Or the times when, freshly broken hearted, I see an ex-boyfriend enjoying a date with someone who is exactly what I could never be in his eyes.
Even though lunch today was nearly unbearable, I finally escaped and then comically told the friend I was with the story of me and Guy From Small Restaurant. And we laughed a lot.
And I’m grateful that these moments are few and far between and, given perspective, quite bearable. I wouldn’t trade. I wouldn’t give up this delicious familiarity for anonymity. Even considering the handful of times when it felt like I would have sold my first and second born to just disappear – never see or be seen again.
Mostly I love this.
Sometimes I run into people I know who annoy me. This happened today. This woman I know who always asks personal questions loudly in public places. This happened today. Or the guy who says, “God bless you. Have a good day in the Lord,” in a not-good-hearted kind of way to everyone he sees. These things annoy me, but I don’t mind much.
Every now and then, however, the smallness of this town really hits me. Every now and then I run into someone I’d rather not see. Ever. Never ever. Never again in my life. Say, someone I dated a few times and then something happened which was awkward and kind of embarrassing but also a relief because it was a reason for the “relationship” to end. Today I ran into one of those. In a tiny little restaurant. So small that eye contact is unavoidable. Or is avoidable, but only at the price of being painfully obvious and prohibiting a much needed trip to the bathroom or a necessary trip to the cash register. Which I opted for. It’s times like that when I start to wish I was in a bigger town.
Or the times when, freshly broken hearted, I see an ex-boyfriend enjoying a date with someone who is exactly what I could never be in his eyes.
Even though lunch today was nearly unbearable, I finally escaped and then comically told the friend I was with the story of me and Guy From Small Restaurant. And we laughed a lot.
And I’m grateful that these moments are few and far between and, given perspective, quite bearable. I wouldn’t trade. I wouldn’t give up this delicious familiarity for anonymity. Even considering the handful of times when it felt like I would have sold my first and second born to just disappear – never see or be seen again.
Mostly I love this.
4 Comments:
At 5/05/2005 5:35 PM, Anonymous said…
I say do embarassing things in other towns and stay here for the good stuff.....
At 5/05/2005 10:49 PM, toni said…
Well, that's good advice. And you're the one whose advice I should listen to, since you're the one who actually knows the story this post refers to. However, one can't always plan when and where embarrassing things occur!
At 5/21/2005 2:53 PM, Anonymous said…
They say that these things happen in large cities also. It seems like the odds would be that they'd happen more in a smaller town, but maybe when they are supposed to happen they happen wherever you are. Little signals.
On a related note, do you remember being in New York City when you were probably 13 and were embarrassed walking down the street with the family and I deliver a wise speech about how these are people that we would never see again so it was a good time to be free of self consciousness, etc. And then a few days later we ran into people we know at the CHICAGO AIRPORT, totally blowing my whole story.
At 5/21/2005 5:19 PM, toni said…
yes, i remember running into those people in chicago. and... i remember being embarassed to be seen with my nerdy family on vacations.
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