After midnight, but that doesn't make it tomorrow - does it?
So I'm still going to say it: HAPPY SOLSTICE. I know solstice was technically yesterday. Because today is the 22nd. But when I woke up last it was the 21st, and when I wake up next it will be the 22nd. So that makes today today and tomorrow tomorrow and right now is not tomorrow. Right? So I can say it.
Three years ago, on summer solstice, blissfully enjoying a new relationship, I remember confessing that summer solstice always makes me sad. It's the beginning of the dark. I know that's not what I should be focusing on right now, but that's what it always makes me think of. Longest day of the year. Great. That just means it's downhill from here. Before I know it school starts up again (clearly these are thoughts I've had for awhile, if they're built around the school year) and then fun will end.
What's interesting is that I'm having a summer vacation this year. Seven full weeks off of work. Four entire months off of school! I can't drive - so it's pretty much like being a kid. (I mean, I can't walk, so it's pretty much like being a baby.) But it's kind of like the teenage summer vacation I never had. As a teenager my summers were very busy. I always worked 60-80 hours/week. I woke up early. I was busy busy busy. It wasn't all boring, I was social too. But in a crammed in, tired, nothing is ever enough kind of way. So this summer is different. There's very little I have to do and a lot of time to do it in. I need some time by myself. I'm getting it in little pieces and it's scary and I also know I need more. So I'll take more.
The one thing I've gotten quiet enough to hear myself tell myself this past week is that I need less. Less time with a million different people. And less activities. Less activity. Bingo. I want to deepen relationships with a few people, and trust that I'll be okay if I stop putting so much energy into other relationships.
I just had a lovely, wonderful 72 hours with Jessalynn. We slept a little, ate good breakfasts, late lunches, and late dinners. We talked and talked and talked and talked. About very important things like shoes and balancing mothering with career, things like swearing and my neighbor's personal lives. We read - many books each. Reading parts outloud, discussing, questioning, laughing, crying. We went to B&B today - twice. She met lots of friends of mine she hadn't met before. We ate ice cream, beacause we always do. We wrote. I knitted some. I took a picture every day.
I'm tired, and I'm not going to proof-read.
Three years ago, on summer solstice, blissfully enjoying a new relationship, I remember confessing that summer solstice always makes me sad. It's the beginning of the dark. I know that's not what I should be focusing on right now, but that's what it always makes me think of. Longest day of the year. Great. That just means it's downhill from here. Before I know it school starts up again (clearly these are thoughts I've had for awhile, if they're built around the school year) and then fun will end.
What's interesting is that I'm having a summer vacation this year. Seven full weeks off of work. Four entire months off of school! I can't drive - so it's pretty much like being a kid. (I mean, I can't walk, so it's pretty much like being a baby.) But it's kind of like the teenage summer vacation I never had. As a teenager my summers were very busy. I always worked 60-80 hours/week. I woke up early. I was busy busy busy. It wasn't all boring, I was social too. But in a crammed in, tired, nothing is ever enough kind of way. So this summer is different. There's very little I have to do and a lot of time to do it in. I need some time by myself. I'm getting it in little pieces and it's scary and I also know I need more. So I'll take more.
The one thing I've gotten quiet enough to hear myself tell myself this past week is that I need less. Less time with a million different people. And less activities. Less activity. Bingo. I want to deepen relationships with a few people, and trust that I'll be okay if I stop putting so much energy into other relationships.
I just had a lovely, wonderful 72 hours with Jessalynn. We slept a little, ate good breakfasts, late lunches, and late dinners. We talked and talked and talked and talked. About very important things like shoes and balancing mothering with career, things like swearing and my neighbor's personal lives. We read - many books each. Reading parts outloud, discussing, questioning, laughing, crying. We went to B&B today - twice. She met lots of friends of mine she hadn't met before. We ate ice cream, beacause we always do. We wrote. I knitted some. I took a picture every day.
I'm tired, and I'm not going to proof-read.
posted by toni @ 12:24 AM
2 Comments:
At 6/22/2005 8:37 AM,
Autumn Hoverter, MS, RD said…
I fully support you in having more time alone. Excellent plan. And being less busy. I did that a while back and it's absolutely wonderful! Now I need to be more busy to get things done that I want to get done but I'm fighting it toothe and claw. Actually I was going to blog about that today but maybe now I don't need to!
At 6/22/2005 11:32 PM,
toni said…
thank you, a. really. thank you.
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