The people we meet

When I was eleven I didn’t want to spend a week at outdoor school. Mostly because new things scared me, probably. Mostly because I didn’t know what to expect.

But I surprised myself, and had an amazingly, wonderful time. My counselor, Laura, was the greatest. She was 18 and had long brown hair and wore matching teal shorts and T-shirt. And her birthday was April 16th. Like me. She was so cool. She told me that “Puff the Magic Dragon” sometimes made her cry because it reminded her of her dog that died. I followed her everywhere. On the last day when everyone was saying goodbye and exchanging addresses, Laura gave me a folded slip of paper that said “Top Secret” on the outside. I think it said:

Toni,
Don’t tell anyone, but you were my favorite. Give me a call and we’ll get pizza or something sometime.
Love, Laura

And then it had her phone number and address.

I clutched that piece of paper all the way home. And often for weeks to come. I wrote her a letter immediately. And she actually wrote back. And we corresponded. Green became my favorite color, because it was hers. I wanted a turtle, because she loved turtles.

The next year my mom went to Hawaii and, as luck would have it, I got to have Laura babysit for a few days. I wasn’t that impressed that she’d just met the drummer from Pearl Jam on an airplane and that we met him at Denny’s and that he came to my house and played my mom’s guitar and drew pictures for me. I didn’t really care about him. I was just so happy to have Laura, my idol, in my presence.

Laura couldn’t watch me the whole time though. I was also supposed to spend a night or two at Devin’s. So I said goodbye to Laura, tearfully, and got on the bus to go to school. I mostly held myself together during the bus ride. But then I got to school and was just too sad. I couldn’t do P.E. because I missed Laura already. I told Sarah I felt sick, and she told the teacher, and the teacher let me just watch. Then I went to math, but couldn’t stop crying. I was a little bit embarrassed, but also a little bit too sad to have room to be embarrassed. I told the teacher I wasn’t feeling well. Clearly. And she called the nurse who walked to the classroom and led me to the office. And decided I was sick. Which was stupid. I was just sad. But she found someone to come pick me up.

I missed Laura intensely for days after that. I made art projects with the “Puff the Magic Dragon” lyrics. I cried. And I wrote her letters.

For years she wrote back. From Spain. From South America. From Evergreen. She had wanted to become a teacher. I’m not sure if she ever did. I don’t know when it was that we lost contact. Every year or so I send a letter to the only address I have for her – where she lived with her parents 13 years ago. And I’ve heard nothing. The high school she graduated from won’t give me any information.

I think someday I’ll find Laura, though. Once, years ago, when our correspondence was frequent, I didn’t hear from her for awhile. And then a friend gave me a letter. She’d found it on the floor at the local food co-op. Picked it up. Just a piece of paper, no envelope. A letter to Toni, from Laura. My friend assumed that Toni was me.

I’m thinking, tonight, about people like that in my life. I didn’t know her for long. Really haven’t spent much time with her. But she made such a huge impression on me.

Last year a friend gave me The Five People You Meet in Heaven for my birthday. An incredibly sweet story of just that sort of thing. We meet so many people. And sometimes the significant ones aren’t the ones that seem significant at the time. Or aren’t the ones we treat with significance. I don’t know if Laura ever knew what an impression she made on me.

I still love turtles.