Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin'...
I've been kinda stressed out lately. As some of you may know. Like, kinda a lot. Like, WAY more than usual. It's been hard to deal with and also just a bit weird. Because I don't usually experience that.
I had a few days last week of pretty much completely flipping out, to the point of complete dysfunction. By which I mean - I couldn't function. Like - work, school, sleep, self-feeding. They weren't really happening.
And then yesterday morning I woke up around 5am in a horrible panic attack. After having a terrifying dream about a car accident. I think that just pushed me over the edge. My body is nearly back to normal. (I'm at least getting some answers about what's wrong with my ankle and how it might be fixed, and my back/neck/shoulder problems are resolving fairly well.) And another car accident might just bring me to my breaking point. It's not that I can't handle more pain. Just the distruption. So, anyway, I had this dream about a scary car accident - my biggest fear being that I'd be debilitatingly injured. And then I woke up. Certain that I couldn't have a day. Couldn't get out of bed. Couldn't go to work. Actually couldn't really breathe. That sort of freaked me out. I stayed in bed for an hour or two. Breathing. Working on breathing.
Interestingly enough, my massage therapist said to me a few hours later, "How are you doing with fear about driving?" It was interesting, because she's never asked me that before. But she just happened to ask about it a few hours after all that fear had surfaced. Yeah, driving is scary. Yeah, it feels really dangerous. Yeah, it's hard to trust. And, yeah, I have a life that pretty much requires it. So I do it.
Anyway, the point of this blog is that I'm feeling a little bit of relief. I gave a presentation in my Ethics class yesterday, which is a moderate sized weight off. And I'm making good progress on the paper I'm writing for my Assessment and Treatment Planning class, so I don't have much license to obsess about that anymore. I'm not leaving town every few hours - I'm finally starting to feel at home in my home. And I'm at peace with pretty much all of my personal life.
So today has been good. I had a delicious lunch with my Thursday Lunch Buddy. I got some good work done on the paper I'm writing, while enjoying the scene at my favorite coffeeshop. And then, during my caffiene crash, I came home and took a bath. I don't even like baths. But for some reason it sounded like a really good idea. And it was. Being warm and submerged was great. I read a little. I got out and clipped my toenails. I feel good.
Good bye March and all your stress. Hello April, please bring some levity and delight!
I had a few days last week of pretty much completely flipping out, to the point of complete dysfunction. By which I mean - I couldn't function. Like - work, school, sleep, self-feeding. They weren't really happening.
And then yesterday morning I woke up around 5am in a horrible panic attack. After having a terrifying dream about a car accident. I think that just pushed me over the edge. My body is nearly back to normal. (I'm at least getting some answers about what's wrong with my ankle and how it might be fixed, and my back/neck/shoulder problems are resolving fairly well.) And another car accident might just bring me to my breaking point. It's not that I can't handle more pain. Just the distruption. So, anyway, I had this dream about a scary car accident - my biggest fear being that I'd be debilitatingly injured. And then I woke up. Certain that I couldn't have a day. Couldn't get out of bed. Couldn't go to work. Actually couldn't really breathe. That sort of freaked me out. I stayed in bed for an hour or two. Breathing. Working on breathing.
Interestingly enough, my massage therapist said to me a few hours later, "How are you doing with fear about driving?" It was interesting, because she's never asked me that before. But she just happened to ask about it a few hours after all that fear had surfaced. Yeah, driving is scary. Yeah, it feels really dangerous. Yeah, it's hard to trust. And, yeah, I have a life that pretty much requires it. So I do it.
Anyway, the point of this blog is that I'm feeling a little bit of relief. I gave a presentation in my Ethics class yesterday, which is a moderate sized weight off. And I'm making good progress on the paper I'm writing for my Assessment and Treatment Planning class, so I don't have much license to obsess about that anymore. I'm not leaving town every few hours - I'm finally starting to feel at home in my home. And I'm at peace with pretty much all of my personal life.
So today has been good. I had a delicious lunch with my Thursday Lunch Buddy. I got some good work done on the paper I'm writing, while enjoying the scene at my favorite coffeeshop. And then, during my caffiene crash, I came home and took a bath. I don't even like baths. But for some reason it sounded like a really good idea. And it was. Being warm and submerged was great. I read a little. I got out and clipped my toenails. I feel good.
Good bye March and all your stress. Hello April, please bring some levity and delight!
posted by toni @ 5:17 PM
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