whoa!
so... a few things are going on right now. for me. emotionally. it's been a rough two days. here's what's up:
1. yesterday a marathon ran around my house. all around it. unaviodably around it. i had to see it. i had to hear it. i had to drive WAY out of my way to not run runners over and kill them. which i wanted to do. i don't really want to talk about this, but i'll just say that i'm really not glad that i couldn't run that race. i really wanted to run that race. when i say really, i mean really.
2. yesterday i saw a person who i miss a lot and it's complicated and it's not easy and missing is kind of easier than trying to make staying in touch work. but seeing this person yesterday was kind of heartwrenching.
so that was yesterday.
then today:
1. a person i know has a lot of opinions that they like to share. and they shared a lot of them with me tonight. and some were about me. and they were well intentioned. very. but i just want to say that i'm ALREADY nervous about this surgery that i'm having in a few weeks, and i don't want to hear other people doubting my doctor's competency.
2. some people i know are doing something that i used to be able to do, and now i can't - for lots of reasons and it's complicated and complicated and very complicated. and my reaction to them doing it, the feelings that it brings up for me, is complicated. and, yes, i have to be this vague. because i don't want to talk about it.
3. i sent an email, taking the initiative to hang out with the person mentioned in number two on yesterday's stressor list.
YUCK. that's how i'm feeling right now. really yucky.
to counteract that, let me share some good things that happened.
yesterday:
1. my good friend emma jane is back in olympia, and i went to the market with her.
2. i ran into a good friend at B&B who i hadn't seen in a really long time, and we agreed that we should get together and catch up more.
3. i spontaneously had dinner with a friend. i'm working on having a schedule free enough to be spontaneous. and my turkey burger at plenty was delicious.
4. my schedule was only free enough to be spontaneous because the friend that i was supposed to hang out with at that time didn't call, but then that friend did call, and we watched The Incredibles, which i enjoyed.
today:
1. i spent the day with a three year old. who is great. i really enjoy him.
2. i got a phone call from a friend who i hadn't talked to in a long time, a couple months.
3. i love my striped pajama pants that i'm wearing right now.
1. yesterday a marathon ran around my house. all around it. unaviodably around it. i had to see it. i had to hear it. i had to drive WAY out of my way to not run runners over and kill them. which i wanted to do. i don't really want to talk about this, but i'll just say that i'm really not glad that i couldn't run that race. i really wanted to run that race. when i say really, i mean really.
2. yesterday i saw a person who i miss a lot and it's complicated and it's not easy and missing is kind of easier than trying to make staying in touch work. but seeing this person yesterday was kind of heartwrenching.
so that was yesterday.
then today:
1. a person i know has a lot of opinions that they like to share. and they shared a lot of them with me tonight. and some were about me. and they were well intentioned. very. but i just want to say that i'm ALREADY nervous about this surgery that i'm having in a few weeks, and i don't want to hear other people doubting my doctor's competency.
2. some people i know are doing something that i used to be able to do, and now i can't - for lots of reasons and it's complicated and complicated and very complicated. and my reaction to them doing it, the feelings that it brings up for me, is complicated. and, yes, i have to be this vague. because i don't want to talk about it.
3. i sent an email, taking the initiative to hang out with the person mentioned in number two on yesterday's stressor list.
YUCK. that's how i'm feeling right now. really yucky.
to counteract that, let me share some good things that happened.
yesterday:
1. my good friend emma jane is back in olympia, and i went to the market with her.
2. i ran into a good friend at B&B who i hadn't seen in a really long time, and we agreed that we should get together and catch up more.
3. i spontaneously had dinner with a friend. i'm working on having a schedule free enough to be spontaneous. and my turkey burger at plenty was delicious.
4. my schedule was only free enough to be spontaneous because the friend that i was supposed to hang out with at that time didn't call, but then that friend did call, and we watched The Incredibles, which i enjoyed.
today:
1. i spent the day with a three year old. who is great. i really enjoy him.
2. i got a phone call from a friend who i hadn't talked to in a long time, a couple months.
3. i love my striped pajama pants that i'm wearing right now.
posted by toni @ 9:49 PM
4 Comments:
At 5/16/2005 11:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
i still play MASH. and i love it. my friends added a new category "side action." these are the folks that you get to have on the side when you are married to the person your friend wrote in as a joke...and you end up with them.
i will try and remember to bring it with me to AK this summer. wait? did i already bring it one year?
At 5/17/2005 12:00 AM,
Jess said…
Oh town pocket.
At 5/17/2005 7:36 AM,
toni said…
yes, malaika. you did bring that special MASH one year. and i remember that my side action was Billy Chenowith. (sp?) From 6 feet under. CREEPY!
At 5/17/2005 11:48 AM,
Autumn Hoverter, MS, RD said…
I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. To quote one of my all time favorite movies "Tomorrow IS another day." Keep your chin up, things will get better, I just know it.
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