I've been on a very interesting little medical journey over the past year. In this past year (excluding, perhaps, my first year?) I have had more medical appointments than I had in all of my life leading up to this past year. Hands down. I haven't been sick. Not once. Not once in this whole year. I really rarely get sick. Rather, I've had two injuries. On may 17th, 2004 I fell down some stairs at work. That's kind of embarrassing to admit. But I guess everyone falls down stairs now and then. So, I did. And it was, apparently, a bad fall. Because here I am, 11 months later, gearing up for some ankle surgery. Thanks to this ankle injury I met my physical therapist, Lisa. I think she's great. She thinks I'm great. We have a lot of fun together. As I was leaving today she said, "it's always so great to see you, Toni." I've also gotten to meet a wonderful podiatrist, Molina. I really enjoy knowing her. She's wonderful. I also got reacquainted with my old childhood physician who is managing the L&I part of this issue. That's been fun. I've also had a large handful of "second" opinions. All in all, while I'm grateful to have met/re-met all these great women - there are just too many cooks in the kitchen.
as if that wasn't enough - I got rear ended on November 24th, 2004. The evening before thanksgiving. I had just left work. Was headed I didn't know where. I hadn't decided yet. Happy to have that rare free afternoon. Probably would have ended up at the coffee shop. But, alas. My lovely little car ended up totaled and I ended up with some neck and back problems which linger still today. Thanks to that injury I have had another opportunity to work with Lisa, the physical therapist. I've also gotten to meet and come to really like Mary, my massage therapist. She's delightful. And I've gotten to know Ron, my chiropractor, as an adult. I spent lots of time in that office with my mom as a child. I mean, lots.
one thing that's so touching about all these women (and the occasional man), my medical professionals, is that I can tell that I'm meaningful in their lives. Molina and Lisa and Mary all tell me stories about times in their personal lives when they think of me. I love the small town community feel of this. My doctors really know me. When Molina sees the south sound running training group runners on a Saturday morning she thinks to herself - Toni is really sad that she isn't out running with them this morning. And then she tells me about it the next time she sees me. When Mary's receptionist started running Mary said to her, "you should ask Toni about getting some good running shoes." when Lisa sent me on my way today, saying she didn't have much more help to offer with my back she said, "please do send me a little email or give me a call and let me know how ankle surgery goes. If you don't mind me being so nosey. I'm just really curious."
so it has been interesting. Me who used to never go to the doctor - now I have some appointment or another at least three days a week. It's a lot. Writing this blog has been interesting because in doing this writing that I know other people will read I end up seeing myself from an external perspective from time to time. So I see what I'm writing here. I put it together with everything else I've written...
it's all about relationship, isn't it? I mean, here I am writing about spraining my ankle and it ends up being about how much I'll miss my podiatrist when my care gets transferred to an orthopedic surgeon. (part of me wants to find a way to keep seeing her!)
but none of this was what I intended to write about when I started writing. And, by the way, I apologize if this is boring and meaningless. I'm not even sure what I'm saying. But I'm saying it because I need to process this, not because I'm convinced that it's worth your reading time. What I intended to write about is Conflicting Advice.
what I mean is the advice that these professionals give me which, from time to time, conflicts with my intuition. Which then makes me question my intuition. Especially because I respect these professionals so much, and since they know me so well.
today my physical therapist said that I should be getting some exercise. Not running, of course. She knows better than I do that this ankle can't run. This ankle actually can't do much of anything. She suggested trying swimming. I tried to turn my ears off. I really didn't want to hear that recommendation. I just don't know what to do with it. This is very uncharacteristic of me to talk about this so publicly. I guess I'm ready for input. So, please. Comment. Tell me what you think.
I don't know what to do with exercise. Historically exercise is something that I've done compulsively and excessively, something that's often caused more physical strain and exhaustion than it's provided physical health, and has nearly always caused more mental anguish and misery than it's provided mental health. So, yeah, I agree with her, I should exercise. Of course, that's coming from the part of me that thinks I should run 10 miles every day. I don't know how to be reasonable about this. I don't know how to be moderate about this. I wish it was easy.
